He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
