why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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