I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
