At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
