her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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