i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Text me some of your sweat
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
