i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
