How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
