Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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