Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
