I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
