he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just cropdusted the office
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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