'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
