im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
