so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
