she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
