oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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