You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
