What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
