Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
