textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
