I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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