masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
