My nipple is on Facebook.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
