Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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