this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
