If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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