yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
