and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
