Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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