I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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