I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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