I just saw a hot homeless man
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
