i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize
