People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
