He kissed a someone with a penis
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
