we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
