I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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