If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize