Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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