The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
