I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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