There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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