eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
