So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
