I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
