OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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