You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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