I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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