i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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