Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
