I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Randomize