After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
