If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
