i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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