In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
