9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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