Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize