It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
