Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
