Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Randomize
