there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
