her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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