the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
