Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I forget how to act sober
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
