Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
even my farts smell like vagina
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
