I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize