no, he came in my armpit
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
