This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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