I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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