Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
