Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
