im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
