Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
